So I kind of fell into a side career as a dog walker. I never signed up for it...it just kind of happened. I love dogs so when I moved into my current apartment a couple of years ago my landlords agreed to lower my rent if I walked their dogs a few nights a week. I then had a friend who was heading out of the country for a few weeks and wanted somebody to stay at her house to watch her two dogs. From there it became completely referral based and at one point I was up to 5 clients that needed me whenever they were on vacation.
I had one client that my landlady referred me to. We met in person once but talked on the phone whenever I had to check in with her while I was watching her dog or when she needed to book me for an upcoming weekend. Out of the blue she asked me if I was single and if I would be interested in being set up. Sure enough the set up happened. For reasons too complicated (and quite frankly boring) to explain here, my mom now refers to him as "Reality Steve" so I think it should stick.
Reality Steve and I hit it off right away. We had a great first date. We have similar senses of humor and I thought he was a very funny guy. He was cute...not necessarily my type; but he was definitely a good looking guy. More than anything I loved his sense of humor. I was really impressed that a woman who only met me once could set me up with somebody that I clicked with. Reality Steve and I dated for two months. Looking back it now seems like a whirlwind. He was full speed ahead most of the time and would randomly slam on the breaks on occasion. He would make jokes about us getting married, make comments about how he could arrange through work to be able to move to my favorite city in the world, and make overall comments about us being together in the future. But he still gave off a vibe of not quite being sure what he wanted. His mixed signals left me feeling paralyzed and neutral. I couldn't get excited about the thought of a future with him when I was still getting signals every once in a while that he wasn't sure. I couldn't totally rule him out and think he wasn't ready because he was showing signs of being very interested. The highs and lows canceled each other out, leaving me feeling something in the middle.
The last week and a half that we were dating he drastically pulled back. Finally one night he called and he said something didn't feel right and he didn't think it would work out. I was honestly pretty pissed. I didn't feel like he gave me a chance. I never felt like I had a chance to let my guard down with the mixed emotions I was feeling. It left me feeling like maybe I did something wrong or I didn't try enough or show him the real me. That's not a good feeling to have after dating somebody. In hind sight, there was something that was slightly off. I really liked his company and again, he made me laugh more than anybody else I'd ever met. But I think we were both having a hard time reading each other and something was missing. It was close...but not entirely right.
After he dumped me we said we wanted to remain friends. We talked a couple of times and only after we broke up did I find out that he was engaged to his ex-girlfriend for all of one week. He proposed and broke it off a week later. That happened pretty much exactly one year before us dating. He blamed his last relationship on him not completely being ready. Finding out what happened I thought he sounded confused and not sure what he wanted and his ups and downs made sense to me. I think he probably feels like he should be settling down and getting married (he is 35 if his age is relevant to this story), but deep down he didn't really feel ready for it.
Lo and behold I heard from him a few weeks later telling me that he started dating somebody and he didn't think a friendship would be possible between us. He considered me a friend and wanted to be on friendly terms, but it wouldn't be possible for us to hang out. He didn't want to have to explain to his new girlfriend that he was hanging out with the last girl he dated. I understood. I also was pretty peeved that I fell for his whole "Oh I'm just not ready" charade. But, overall I was over it. I basically was his rebound girl and that's a tough spot to be in. Even though I tried to avoid it and thought it had been enough time since his ex, I didn't know enough of the details and I ended up falling into that trap. The rebound girl never has a fair chance.
My story of Reality Steve finally came to an end a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't talked to him in about 6 weeks - since he told me about his new girlfriend. He emailed me to say hi and ask how I was doing and to casually mention unenthusiastically that his girlfriend was moving in with him. 1.) They've been dating for two months, tops. 2.) Why the hell did you email me to tell me that???? I was left feeling like he had something to rub in my face. It almost seemed like I was the one that dumped him. You don't dump a girl and then email her out of the blue when you ask your new girlfriend to move in with you. I replied telling him I was great and I was very happy (which is true) and told him I was dating somebody (which is slightly true...I'm dating...just nobody in particular). I also made sure to tell him about a photo shoot I was asked to take part in for a fall fashion edition of a local magazine. His response:
"Classic luck on my part. As soon as I stop dating a girl she ups and launches a career as a fashion model."
You better believe it, Reality Steve.
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